The detective is a mysterious person. This is ironic, if you think about it, because they are investigating mysteries while being mysterious themselves. I imagine they lead very exciting and somewhat dangerous lives. I mean, they aren't just a tool tracker (although that would be interesting, too. It could actually, be really interesting. They get a call from some random person who has lost their chainsaw and needs to know where it went so that they can chop down the dead tree in their backyard. The detective could search all the neighbor's houses, trying to find the lost item. Yes, yes, to be a tool tracker could be quite fun.)
But back to the real detective. I think the part where you find families and put them back together could be nice, but if you were just tracking a cheating spouse, that could be rough. I mean, come on. I'm all about families. I guess families need to have their problems brought out into the open in order to heal, but really, I don't think that I would want to be the woman who has to hear from a detective that her husband has been lying to her. I wouldn't want to be that detective, either.
I'll be a tool tracker instead.
Monday, November 1, 2010
The world traveler
I'm back. And I'm back to my stereotypical evaluation of the female gender. Isn't this fun?
There is a type of girl that everyone is jealous of. We so want to be her. She is cool and sleek and fun. She is the world traveler. You know the girl: yesterday she was in Rome, Italy. Tomorrow she will cruise Galapagos. She has seen it all, from one side of the world to the next. She will regal you with stories of her travels to India, Australia, and England. She will tell you how much fun she had on the Galapagos yacht last time and what a hoot Marcello was as they crossed the Atlantic together. She is "fun" personified.
We still don't know how she gets all her money for her travels. Sometimes, we know, she works in the various foreign countries that she is living in. She will teach English or work in an orphanage. She has all the connections to be able to get wherever she wants to go. She is super woman.
We long to be like her. To have her connections and to be able to flit from here to there. We want to just pack up all our belongings and move away. Someday, perhaps. Someday.
There is a type of girl that everyone is jealous of. We so want to be her. She is cool and sleek and fun. She is the world traveler. You know the girl: yesterday she was in Rome, Italy. Tomorrow she will cruise Galapagos. She has seen it all, from one side of the world to the next. She will regal you with stories of her travels to India, Australia, and England. She will tell you how much fun she had on the Galapagos yacht last time and what a hoot Marcello was as they crossed the Atlantic together. She is "fun" personified.
We still don't know how she gets all her money for her travels. Sometimes, we know, she works in the various foreign countries that she is living in. She will teach English or work in an orphanage. She has all the connections to be able to get wherever she wants to go. She is super woman.
We long to be like her. To have her connections and to be able to flit from here to there. We want to just pack up all our belongings and move away. Someday, perhaps. Someday.
I am not
Once upon a time, I was not a lawyer. I did not go to law school and I did not take a lot of tests. I know nothing about the juris doctorate program and I have no idea why someone would issue a subpoena. I have never been to a deposition and I do not know how to file for bankruptcy. I have never passed the California bar exam and I have never used a California bar exam tutor. I am not a lawyer.
I am also not a doctor. I have never been to medical school and I don't really know the difference between a Medical Doctor (MD) and a doctor of osteopathy (DO). I have no idea what the difference is between interns and residents. I really don't know why someone would want to work at a hospital for thirty straight hours. Of course, working anywhere for thirty straight hours seems crazy to me.
I like music. I sing. I used to play the piano and the guitar, but now I don't because I don't seem to have enough hours in my day. I like to cook and bake and play games. I love being with my family.
I am definitely not a California bar exam tutor.
I am also not a doctor. I have never been to medical school and I don't really know the difference between a Medical Doctor (MD) and a doctor of osteopathy (DO). I have no idea what the difference is between interns and residents. I really don't know why someone would want to work at a hospital for thirty straight hours. Of course, working anywhere for thirty straight hours seems crazy to me.
I like music. I sing. I used to play the piano and the guitar, but now I don't because I don't seem to have enough hours in my day. I like to cook and bake and play games. I love being with my family.
I am definitely not a California bar exam tutor.
A tutor
Let's take a little breather from my stereotypical analysis of the female gender to discuss something very exciting. I know that you will love my analysis of this. It is a very exciting and highly relevant topic. It is: the bar exam.
My brother recently graduated from law school. This was a momentous occasion for my family, as he is the first of my siblings to get his doctorate. Yes, by graduating from law school, he earned his juris doctorate degree. But there is a catch. Just graduating from law school does not mean that you get to practice law. No, it's a slightly more complicated than that.
You have to pass the dreaded bar exam. Each state has their own, and you can only practice law in the states where you have passed the bar exam. For example, if I wanted to practice law in California, I would have to take the California bar exam. If I wanted to practice in New Jersey, I would have to take their bar exam. That's the way it goes.
The bar is really hard though, so some people get tutors. The California bar exam tutor would help you pass the California bar. I think I would definitely need a tutor.
Friday, October 29, 2010
The Artist
One of the most misunderstood girls in the school, next to the Emo girl, is the Artist. She's the one that will become an art major in college, only to discover that it won't ever pay her bills. She will either continue to be a starving artist, or she will change her course forever and go into web design in Abu Dhabi and make billions.
But to be a starving artist, she must first become completely misunderstood. All great artists are completely misunderstood. No one will understand them until after their deaths, which, if they are lucky, will be suicides, because only that will prove that they were completely understood. Think about it. No one really appreciated Van Gogh until he was long gone. Poor Vincent. And no one took Felix Mendelssohn seriously because they felt that during his posh lifestyle he hadn't suffered enough to have the raw emotions necessary to create decent music. I guess his genius was also misunderstood, but in the opposite direction. Poor Felix. We love him now. We love them both now.
So, Artist girl, you have two choices: become a starving artist in some big city and live a tormented life now, only to become revered later, or you can be completely understood now and make millions doing web design in Abu Dhabi.
But to be a starving artist, she must first become completely misunderstood. All great artists are completely misunderstood. No one will understand them until after their deaths, which, if they are lucky, will be suicides, because only that will prove that they were completely understood. Think about it. No one really appreciated Van Gogh until he was long gone. Poor Vincent. And no one took Felix Mendelssohn seriously because they felt that during his posh lifestyle he hadn't suffered enough to have the raw emotions necessary to create decent music. I guess his genius was also misunderstood, but in the opposite direction. Poor Felix. We love him now. We love them both now.
So, Artist girl, you have two choices: become a starving artist in some big city and live a tormented life now, only to become revered later, or you can be completely understood now and make millions doing web design in Abu Dhabi.
The Foreign Exchange Student
Every year, there is one girl that came to our school from half way around the world. Like Fez on that 70's Show, we don't really know where she came from, we just know that the plane ride over must have been a beast. We know nothing of her life before she came to our school, she could have done web design in Abu Dhabi or been an electrician in Germany. We just don't know.
We talk to her all the time, but for some reason nothing she says ever sticks in our brains. It's as if our minds can't comprehend the words because her exotic accent has gotten in the way. She could have told us that she was the fifth of six children being raised by the king of Moldova and all we would have heard was, "I am amazing. All your boyfriends will fall for me, then I will travel back around the world to my home where I will marry my true love, breaking forever all your boyfriends' hearts and ruining them forever. MuHAHAHAHAH!"
Yep, that's what we hear. So we will forever hate you, the Abu Dhabi web design girl.
We talk to her all the time, but for some reason nothing she says ever sticks in our brains. It's as if our minds can't comprehend the words because her exotic accent has gotten in the way. She could have told us that she was the fifth of six children being raised by the king of Moldova and all we would have heard was, "I am amazing. All your boyfriends will fall for me, then I will travel back around the world to my home where I will marry my true love, breaking forever all your boyfriends' hearts and ruining them forever. MuHAHAHAHAH!"
Yep, that's what we hear. So we will forever hate you, the Abu Dhabi web design girl.
Athletic Girl
This next one is a girl we all know. Some of us love her, some of us hate her. She tall, thin and always has the best tan. But it's not because she goes to a tanning bed. No, she doesn't need to. She's out in the actual sun so much that her skin has, very naturally, turned a lovely shade of brown. She is the athletic girl.
She plays soccer, softball, runs track and plays volleyball. She gets phone calls from boys almost every night of the week, but it's not because they want to treat her to a sundae. It's because they need a fifth for their basketball game and want to know if she's in. In the Summer, you can find her on the lake. She would be happy to spend every day on a tube or skis behind the boat. She loves to jet ski and even does her own jet ski repair because she knows that it will take less time than taking it some place to get it fixed by someone else. She just wants to be on the water. She's the girl that you know jumped out of her bassinet days after she was born, ready to start playing.
But she has a secret. She loves who she is, she just wishes that she could get a date every now and then. Cheer up, jet ski repair girl, you'll get there some day.
She plays soccer, softball, runs track and plays volleyball. She gets phone calls from boys almost every night of the week, but it's not because they want to treat her to a sundae. It's because they need a fifth for their basketball game and want to know if she's in. In the Summer, you can find her on the lake. She would be happy to spend every day on a tube or skis behind the boat. She loves to jet ski and even does her own jet ski repair because she knows that it will take less time than taking it some place to get it fixed by someone else. She just wants to be on the water. She's the girl that you know jumped out of her bassinet days after she was born, ready to start playing.
But she has a secret. She loves who she is, she just wishes that she could get a date every now and then. Cheer up, jet ski repair girl, you'll get there some day.
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